DDR

I am writing this blog because I am helplessly in full rage and wanted to scream!!! I just don't wanna sound selfish so I am keeping my cool. I'm trying really hard but I always fail, ALWAYS. I'm not changing someone else's attitude or personality because it's the part of who they are that I liked in the first place. All I'm saying is that, nobody is perfect, YOU are not perfect! People make mistakes and it's okay. It's even better if you will accept and try to correct it, most especially for someone you really care for.

I don't understand what's the big deal of apologizing or just saying "I'm sorry" if you did something wrong. It's actually an act of being brave, brave that you have accepted you aren't some sort of a god and that you are trying to be a better person. Personally, "I'm sorry" is one of the hardest words that I could or will ever say BUT if I think I should say it and I've been really a douchebag -- I would really say it without hesitation or without somebody pushing me to say it and of course I will mean it, simple as that.

Just bear with me, I just want to rant because I have been pushed too far and this is my only way of calming myself. Sometimes I feel stupid because people have their own differences yet I always compare myself to everyone. This can be right or can be wrong.

Okay, enough of this bullshit. Delete don't respond - that's what I'm gonna do! I still feel awful though.

AvPD vs EN

It's 12 midnight and I'm suffering from pain. My molar hurts so bad that I couldn't even buy some sleep. Trying to distract myself I came across this "intriguing" page over the net that made me research and learn a little more. So what have I found?

Avoidant personality disorder. Yep, crazy as it seems but I can totally relate as I'm a bit experiencing this for a few months now. Don't get me wrong though. Neither I felt any traumatic condition nor abnormal situations but I have a strong feeling I am labeled with this state of confusion.

Anyhow, the more I look or search for details, the more I realised it's maybe just emotional numbness - and it's normal (I guess?). People undergo this from time to time and on my case, it's prolly because of stress. Whew! I thought I'm going mad... on second thought, I am already mad!

I think I should try out Mr. Usui's five precepts. Time for some Reiki!

He said, and I quote:

"At least for today: Do not be angry, Do not worry, Be grateful, Work with diligence, Be kind to people."

There. I still can't sleep and I think my molar's becoming worst! Ugh. :(

You Against the World

There are just stories which starts from a bliss but eventually ends to amiss. This may be one of the reasons why people became misantrophe and doesn't want to get attached to anyone.

People have their own issues but surely they don't want to get hurt. Hurt so bad that you couldn't contain and all you can think of is just die.

Some people tried so hard not to be emotionally attached to someone but for some reason, earth will just give you something...someone whom you think you can trust and will protect you from no harm.

Only a fool would believe that life is like a fairy tale and has a happy ending. I mean, wake up everyone! There's no such fucking thing! We are all surrounded by manipulative self-centered assholes and there's no one else you can count on but yourself. Just accept this fact -- you are alone against the world. Period.

Frankly speaking, I'm so not in to love today.

Feigndom

Since RH Bill is very popular and people back home are in catasthropic stage, I'd like to be a bitch who will open some douchebags' eyes into reality. Before you say anything, look a hundred times infront of the mirror and ask yourselves this -- Have you ever stop and think that YOU are a cruel two-faced asshole of your own race? Here are some short and concise proofs that only morons would ask to elaborate.

You pretend to be a "holy angel" who trick others with nice words and kind gestures but will eventually stab their backs. If they are physically pretty, they will deceive you. If they are fugly, nobody will even bother.

You insult other people by using abusive words or laughing at someone's physical appearance or unusual behaviour. Like you are perfect and there's nothing wrong about you, ass!

You act as if you're concerned or interested to whatever effing stories someone would say. If those stories were cool, they'll fabricate it and will own it as their words. If it's shitty, they'll use it as a bullet to their gun to shoot you.

You claim you know EVERYTHING like a paid actor from Hollywood and use it to boss around naive people. Sounds like a filthy son of a bitch, you know what I mean.

You complain non-stop about everything but ends up kissing the asses of whoever fuckers that causes the complaints. Dogs in short.

You constantly drag people to religious acts of hypocrisy. Like you're the holy one or the only son of your god because you pray and attend church as much as anyone do or you joined in a fucking joke community who helps and turns gay people to straight people and all that shit. I mean, hello? If you chose to do that to yourself, don't drag others! Let them decide from themselves on whatever things to believe in.

You blame all shitty tragic events to the government. As if they are the reason why you have 7 or so kids who doesn't eat properly and without proper education, or they cut down trees and threw garbage everywhere that's why you're suffering from flood, or they sell cokes and meths because a relative of yours died from drug overdose.

So it goes...

Truth is, we are all the same whoever and wherever we are so shut the fuck up, do your thing and stop looking at other people's business! You, amongst anyone else know the truth from the lie and the right from the wrong. Be different!

Did I hurt your feelings? Punch me.

29th

Another year older, another year wiser - this has always been my words whenever a year is adding up my age.

Yeah, I just celebrated my 29th year on Earth and though I have gained so much of life's wisdom; truth is, I don't feel a day over 24.

From learning to become a mom, to finding the courage to leave home for better opportunities, to be at some place sipping coffee alone, taking leaps of faith to enjoy things I haven't done before and just go with the flow -- I feel like I've had an emotional growth spurt.

Things I learned this year?

Change brings more change. When I got over the fact of freaking out imagining of not having a steady income when I left my job in the Philippines, now, I couldn’t imagine not having my own place to live. Then I couldn’t imagine spending major holidays away from home. So it goes. The more change you're creating, the more you'll become experienced, and the more you'll grow as a person.

Everyday is a gift. Having the freedom to choose how I spent everyday this past year, every “usual” day has been my “own”. Days that I used to consider major holidays like Christmas, New Year’s and my birthday, have each felt like a “usual” day, but in the most extraordinary way.

I know too little about the world. I’ve never really learned much world history/culture and I don't even know much about my own country's history but travelling has been an educational experience. Each year, I make it a point that I have traveled at least one place (locally or internationally) to gear up some knowledge. ;)

Life and identity crisis are ongoing. Finding my passion and identity has been a continual dilemma. I thought I wanted to pursue anything related to law, then I realized I was attracted to the web because of it’s strength as a way to communicate or interact with all pips you wish in different parts of the world or to do really good at sports particularly dragon boat and think of a way on how to correlate it with sky diving, diving and surfing. LOL

Alone doesn’t mean lonely. I thought I’d get sad from leaving home or travelling alone, but I was dead wrong. In fact, I never felt homesick, lonesome or whatsoever. Sure am missing my family and friends back home but am too lucky to experience the power of technology. Seriously though, it never occured to me that I can enjoy my own company! Does this mean that I can be even better company if I’m with others? Well, YES! ;)

The grass is greener on this side. I used to compare myself to colleagues and friends, find myself wishing for a better job, bigger salary or more money in the bank. This year, instead of pursuing what would make me more “comparable” to someone else, I’ve started following my heart, being me who is ME and doing what makes me happy.

There really is a second chance. Before, when I felt bruised and stitched in terms of love, I told myself that's it. Now, I've seen the beauty and differences of each and every individual, I told myself do-over. ;)

So, that's it. I'm glad sharing my rollercoaster life with you for the past year. Being 29 is awesome, wanna bet?

See yah!

Malaysia, Hong Kong and Thailand all in one!

Almost a month ago, I traveled for dragon boat competition which gave me the privilege to visit three countries. :) I wanna  share with you the places I've been to, the food I tried, and some silly yet exciting adventure I experienced.

My trip had the craziest itinerary ever! How crazy? How's AUH-BKK-PEN-KLIA-HKG-BKK-AUH for you? I actually believe that I got tired and literally sick not because of exhaustion from all that paddling.. it's all from the flights and hours I spent at the airport! Good thing is that I traveled with a group of cool pips. I cannot imagine what would happen if I did all the waiting all by myself.

June 27. From Abu Dhabi to Bangkok. Layover is 5 hours. While travelling, we were debating if we'll go out of the Bangkok airport to explore or just wait and snooze inside. When we got there, a long queue surprised us! I think we spent like an hour or so from the Immigration! So we decided to just stay, eat and think about some plans on visiting a nice place near Bangkok airport on our way home. So yeah, after having our lunch, we sat and counted the people who passed by us.

Roast pork noodles, dumplings and mango shake

Mango sticky rice - a must-try in Bangkok!

June 28. From Bangkok to Penang, Malaysia. We spent 3 days at Penang to compete. We didn't actually find time to roam around and explore the city as our schedule is pretty tight. All we did is eat, sleep, run, and compete. That's how boring our life in Penang is. But we did enjoy the last day though. We made lots of friends during the dinner party celebration.

Rice, sprouts and eel - disgusting as it may sound but definitely yummayyy!

Bak kut teh soup - the underrated Malaysian soup. Makulit's fav!

Durian. Two words - tastes gas! haha

Eel, frogs and pork hur fan - one of my best meals in Penang :)

July 1. From Penang to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Layover 4 hours. Again, we stayed at the airport, ate (thank God there's Marrybrown and Starbucks!), and used the airport's wifi. As much as I wanted to sleep, I cannot find any ways on how to do it! You would never imagine how I miss my bed that very moment!

July 2. Kuala Lumpur to Hong Kong. Finally, we arrived! Due to hunger and exhaustion, we just ate to the cafeteria nearby then went to bed.

First day at Hong Kong is our training day. We got to see the race venue and feel the Victoria Harbour. After training, Coach, Remi and I did some exploring. We went to The Peak wherein you need to ride a tram that will take you at the top to see the whole Hong Kong City. T'was beautiful I must admit!

View from The Peak

Pork dumpling noodles with house tea. Honestly, it has some
shrimps so decided on changing it to beef brisket noodles instead 

Second day at Hong Kong is race day. Your body is a mean machine if you can still do something aside from sleeping after the whole day race. :P And yes, we went to the Night Market at Mong Kok! My favorite day night from the whole trip! I fell in love with Hong Kong because of this place. Everybody's busy, lots of cheap stuff, cool disgusting street food, and good authentic Chinese restaurants! Remi and I did a lot of haggling from our shopping and we still want more!!! But we have a curfew so we went home and decided to go back to this place -- tomorrow! :D

Third day at Hong Kong is rest day and my another favorite day. Why? Woke up early morning. Coach found the coolest and cheapest resto which serves dimsums! Gawwwwddd! I was drooling the moment I saw those huge bamboo baskets! I am at home. Teehee. At night, as promised, we went back to Night Market. Did another round of shopping and ate... what else? Noodles!

Enjoying my dimsum with Angkong (who, apparently, wasn't enjoying!)

Cool Chinese pips. Peace yo!

More more more dimsums!!!
I only ate one hakaw, promise! Then my face felt itchy after

Have I told you how much I love meat and chicken feet? :)

I love Mong Kok!

Rice noodle with pork dumpling :)

Pork dumplings :)

Yummy egg tarts

Beef brisket, pork dumpling and fish and tofu noodles. Two thumbs up!

Tentacles! Was tempted but nah, didn't try this one

Stuffed I dunno what

More HK street food. Those long brown ones
from the vendor's hands are really scary

Fourth day at Hong Kong is race day. Yet another epic day. :)

Fifth day at Hong Kong is Tian Tan Buddha and Disneyland day! Woke up late. Boys have gone off for some cable car action and to see the Big Buddha while Remi and I are still you know, taking our time doing nothing at the hotel. Hehe... Eventually we reached the place, rode the cable car and enjoyed the scenery right beside the Buddha :) Then, we went off to Disneyland. One of the saddest part (for me) of this trip. When we got there, it's about to close though we made it to see the fireworks. But it's fine, I guess I need to be there and enter the gates with my Munchkin :)

Cable cars. I got a bit scared. Didn't know am a bit afraid of heights! Yaiks!

Tian Tan Buddha at Ngong Ping, Lantau.
I keep on remembering Star Trek - I come in peace!

'nuff said :)

Sixth day at Hong Kong is the last day of the race. Right after the race is the dinner party for all participants to feast, dance and enjoy. Yes you are right, that doesn't end there. Since we made lots of friends, we partied at some club all night morning till we drop. I actually didn't sleep after all that happenings as we got home really really late. But what the heck, we have a very early wake up call to leave for our flight back to Abu Dhabi so I need to tell the zombie me to move and fix my stuff. Ugh. Tired, no sleep, drunk - that day, I just want someone to stab me to death.

July 9. From Hong Kong to Bangkok. Layover 8 hours. I told myself am gonna kill if am gonna stay at the airport for 8 freaking hours! Just kidding :P but we did went outside and explore a small part called Wat Po. We visited the ginormous reclining golden Buddha and some temples. I honestly felt bored with the Bangkok street on our way to that Buddha thing. To me, it's very similar to Philippines. But I have to admit that I was amazed with this lazy lying golden Buddha. She is so HUGE and so GOLDY! Lol

Huge reclining golden Buddha.
Her feet is made of mother of pearls! So hands-off please!

More Buddhas - I lost count on the Buddhas I saw. There are loads!

Inside temple with monks. Ssssshhhhhh...

Artistic temples

Bangkok's famous tuk-tuk

So there, my all in one adventure in Asia. Didn't really had enough time to visit more of the tourist spots but hey, I went there to compete and not to tour so I guess I had managed my time quite well. I promised me self to come back to Hong Kong soon and explore more. :)

Till my next adventure! Ta-ta!

Surprise! Boooo!

Today was just a normal day. Woke up at 7am, took a bath, went to ADU and work my ass out. Little I know that my colleagues have set up a surprise pre-birthday celeb for me. It's the last day of the week and next week will be Ramadan and as always, here I am as a busy bee, trying to get all things done.

I knew that it has been a tradition in our department (esp for staff) to have a surprise birthday celebration. I'm actually always been the silly secret organizer of every birthday bash. I love surprising people, the way they look, react and all that but I really, really, really hate me being surprised. I stay away from it. Lucky me, most of the time, I figured it out before anyone else does. Hah!

But this day, I have no freaking whatsoever idea about anything. I guess my luck just got out of me and searched for another human being. They all got me and yes, I have to admit that I was surprised!

How did it happen?

Well, in the morning, I asked Jen, a colleague which is a great friend of mine if they're up to something and if yes, they should stop and get it over with. She said there is and made me believe (and I hate you Teena!) that it will all happen on the 25th. She begged not to tell anyone that she told me or Cora (another colleague and friend of mine) will kill her. She even asked me, since I knew all about everything already, to fake and pretend that I was surprised. So we agreed.

I tell you, they have planned it smoothly and secretly!

At around 3pm, my boss asked me to go with him to the HR Department which  we have talked about since yesterday. So I did. But before we went there, we made a detour at the UC office as the Provost is there waiting for him. At first I was skeptical to get inside the meeting room thinking I wasn't supposed to be there but my boss always drags me to whatever meetings he's into so I was like what the heck and went ahead. The door opened and yes, it was the surprise. All faces are there even the Provost! Party popper, cakes, party hats, sweets and cupcakes, flowers, face posters, birthday card and all those people that I love.

Honestly, I got angry at first but there's no point of arguing about it. Gawwwddd Pitzel what is wrong with you, they exerted effort, I told myself. But I cant help myself thinking how didn't I know anything. I started to recall everything. I remember my boss bbming me yesterday to wear my purple blouse which is his favorite as he said I look good on it. And another colleague greeted me yesterday and wishes me a happy birthday. And one of my friend at ADU messaged me last night and wishes me a happy birthday though it wasn't my birthday. And another message I received saying he knew a secret but he has to tell tomorrow. Rachelle didn't go with us in the bus. Jennifer keeps on running here and there. How come I didn't pay much attention to those hints! I feel awful because I was not prepared - no face paint, bad hair day, dry lips. I looked horrible! LOL

Until now I can't still get over the fact that they got me. how can I be so stupid. But honestly I was touched, felt loved, so blessed and happy. I guess surprises wasn't bad after all.