No More Drama

So what’s new?  Not much.

Disappointment

Oh, I recently watched the Sex and the City movie. Yeah, I know, it's like for ages but who cares?  Anyway, it’s a lame movie but what makes it interesting? Of course the wardrobes and oh so hot shoes of the four gals. I was effing crazy with the Manolo Blahnik shoes that Carrie Bradshaw had. It was so gorgeous that I ended up looking for it online. And I actually saw it but was sooo disappointed. It costs $945 – I'm like wot? It’s PHP 44,773.9979 to be exact. That’s a lot of milk and not to mention diapers! Gah! Btw, thanks Yaleyna for your pirated DVD hehe.

Yo Gabba Gabba

My munchkin is already 1 year and 3 months and yes, she’s still big but not that BIG. Xioms is now super kulit and loves to walk around. Also, she’s now an addict, addicted to Yo Gabba Gabba, a kid show from Nickelodeon. There was this freak host called DJ Lance who’s very orangeish despite of his skin tone. He has his friendly toy monsters that when he sprinkle some pixie-like dust, the toys will come to life. Strange kids stuff, huh?

It’s Almost Time To Go

It’s already 6:40AM and I’m excited to go home. But before I do, I want to thank the denial king and queen a.k.a. Rolly and Missy. They showed up and gave me some food from the not-so-popular bday party. Haha…  Missy even gave me her leche flan share. Alabyu girl. =)

So there... my week with no drama. Ta-ta!

Laughter in the Rain

It's been almost a month since I last posted. I guess I can say my hands have been quite full these past few weeks and I bet my fans are all waiting for my so-called "drama". Hehe.. A lot of things happened, some eye-opening and some... ummm... insignificant. Haha!

Love me. Feed me. Never leave me. That's from Garfield. Not really a fan but when I saw the trailer in Star Movies, I thought of my munchkin/piglet. 

Xioms' doing great, getting bigger and longer every day. Yeah, I've had my share of semi-sleepless nights (lately she got sick), but all's worth it. It's hard to get up in the middle of the night to feed or change her but I'm getting the hang of it. There are times when I feel so frustrated because her cries are so loud that it scares me, but when I pick her up and cuddle her, she stops. It makes me feel good to know that sometimes, that's all that she needs. I'm soooo in love with her!

Oh, I had an eye-opening experience last week.  I was at home watching (t'was my rest day) and I saw how much a mother could love her kid.  There was this commercial of a child having hydrocephalus and her parents were asking for people's help because they don't have any money for the operation. I thought I've seen my fair share of people in need but then I suddenly caught myself crying, yep, literally CRYING from where I sit. My mom thought I'm getting mad or some sort. I really couldn't help myself, my tears just came out. I realized how lucky I am to have everything that I need. But then I had another realization and I just wanted to slap myself right then and there. Who am I to count my blessings based on others' misfortunes?!? Bad. Very bad. Pathetic ko noh?

So there, I learned my lesson. Knowing that there are other people who has bigger problems than I do won't help at all, it won't make me feel better or would make things easier for me. It'll only show how selfish and pathetic I can get. I have to learn how to APPRECIATE what I have. Period. Plain and simple. 

Haaaay... Life.

Anyway, enough with the drama. It rained last night and I have to say I just LOVE the rain. Weird, but I really do love it when it pours. Somehow, everything about it makes me feel happy and safe. Mysteriously, it even brings back happy memories. Come to think of it, I can't remember even a single rainy day that went bad for me. Even when it catches me off guard and wets me from head to toe, it really isn't that bad. Pluuusss, after weeks of superrr heat, I get to sleep better at morning (yep, morning because I'm already in the GY shift). More cuddling. Hihihi. I get to cuddle my carepig more. Wahooo! I can't wait to see my munchkin. A couple more hours, and yes, I'm typing this blog at work. Bleah!

Haaaay... Happy happy happy. Ooooh! I hear laughter in the rain.

...

Love is not blind, rather love is BLINDING.
We only see what our hearts want to see.
It impairs our heads to think,
and let our mindless hearts take over.
It covers up the harsh reality,
and hides the painful truth.
Love is blinding, deafening,
and most of all,
NUMBING.

Simple Yet Thought Provoking

A good friend sent this text message to me and it got me thinking...

If you want to have what you've never had, then you must do what you've never done. Because if you only do what you've always been doing, you will only have what you've been having.

Pretty simple, right? Yeah... Yeah right!

People have the tendency to want more than what they already have. The concept of contentment isn't that well-grasped. More money. More time. More friends. More love. More everything!

Reminds me of what Professor Dumbledore said to Harry Potter about the Mirror of Erised: The happiest man on earth will stand in front of that mirror and see himself as he is.

Is there such a person? What will you see when you stand in front of that mirror? What is your deepest desire? Me? I'd be a total hypocrite if I say that I'd see myself as I am today. Yes, I am happy but having more of some things wouldn't be so bad.

Well, come to think of it, what is so wrong with wanting more? Actually, absolutely NOTHING. It's not bad to want better things for yourself and for the people you love. It's not bad to dream and work hard for a better life. The right or wrong, the good or bad - it only lies on HOW you get those better things, the better life. And besides, I'm too young to be contented. There's more to life than this! Haha.

So, what does it take? What do we have to do to get something we've never had? To achieve something we've never achieved?

Well, if I knew the answer to that then it wouldn't be something I've NEVER had, right? All I know is that, I have to do SOMETHING, something DIFFERENT.

If you want to have what you've never had, then you must do what you've never done.

Totally makes sense.

Sweet Beginnings, Bitter Endings

Another year older.

I used to love AND hate it when this time of the year comes. Now, the 'hate' part is gone. I guess it's because I have had one heck of a year. A LOT of things have happened since I celebrated my birthday a year ago... Tons of tears cried and more laughters laughed. Most of all, a plethora of lessons learned. I have gone a long way since then. From a bum... to a BEACH bum... to a yuppie... to a vampire... to a lover... and now, a MOM. In a year, I've been through what some people go through in a lifetime. And I'm proud of myself for being able to get it all together.

I look into this birthday of mine not just as a way of counting the number of years of my existence, but a chance at a new beginning - a sweet one at that.

Life is a series of beginnings and endings. Most of the time, you have to learn to accept the fact that some things just aren't for you. You have to embrace the truth, as painful as it may be, and then let go. They say that giving up a dream isn't all that bad. It just goes to show that you're strong enough to face the pain and wise enough to give in to reality. However, that doesn't mean that you STOP living. Of course you move on! Bitter endings pave way for much sweeter beginnings.

Cheers! And oh, happy birthday to me.

Hard Habit to Break

I woke up today and surprisingly... I feel a LOT better.

And I can honestly say that YES, I AM OKAY.

The 2-day break gave me a chance to sit down and think of what just happened and I realized that this was exactly what I wanted for so long. So who am I to complain?

I just got used to things that way, and now that things are different, I have to get myself together and adjust.

And now that I come to think of it, bad as it may sound, it was NEVER real. THANK GOD!

It's just a hard habit to break. But I'll get there for sure.

Darating din ang karma. SOON! Bwahaha!

Reality Bites... HARD

Reality has its way of biting you on the ass when you least expect it. It has its sneaky way of catching you at your most off-guarded moment. Damn... it got me. And it did get me hard.

A lot of overwhelming changes have been happening in my life lately. I know that there are indeed a lot of things that I should be happy and thankful for, don’t get me wrong, I am delighted and grateful. It’s just that it all came too fast. Again, overwhelming.

I haven’t really been bad at coping with change. In fact, I think I know how to adjust pretty well. Somehow, over the years, I’ve learned how to manage changes that have been occurring. But then again, this is a totally unfamiliar ground for me. The others are nothing compared to this one. This is big... no... this is HUGE.

Why do I sound so unsure? I’m not actually hesitant about the decision I’ve made. I’m happy with that, without a doubt. It’s another thing that scares me. The realm of the unknown... that’s what’s so daunting. Hehehe...

I just don’t want to screw up. I don’t want to make a mistake that I can’t undo or at least fix. I know... I know... I shouldn’t think about this too much. I should just be the forever optimist. But man, I can’t help it! I’m human... very pretty human haha! I have the right to get intimidated too. I have the right to be petrified. I have the right to panic.

*sigh* This better stop. I know for a fact that even if I rant on and on, it won’t change a thing. No matter how long this entry is, no matter how much time I spend on pondering on this dismay that I have, things will remain as is.

Now, all I think of is that life is a gamble. Damn right it is! You have to learn how to take risks. You gotta be ready to lose small in order to win big. You gotta bet all that you have to ultimately get what you want.

I've been gambling all my life. In that sense, mind you... taking risks, losing, winning, calling bluffs and unfortunately, being a victim of numerous bluffs.

Gawd... I sound like a recovering addict. Well, come to think of it... maybe I am. Harharhar! Toodles!

In Too Deep

Yes... I am. There are just certain things in life that you can't change. No matter how hard you hope and think against it... you're stuck, fucking stuck! As one of the greatest U2 song goes... you're stuck in a moment you can't get out of.

There's no one to blame but me. I can't go on pointing the finger on fate or destiny. There are no such things. I've just recently read: "The world's greatest lie: at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate."

Never in our lives do we lose control... even if we're drunk, high or just in a crazy mood. We ALWAYS have a choice. We always MAKE a choice. Our lives depend on these choices we make... things could go one way or the other. It just depends on how you take it.

I know I'm not perfect. No one is. I've made a lot of bad decisions in life. And here I am. Stuck. I'm in too deep that I can't seem to get out of this shithole I've made.

But now, I'm making a choice. I choose to learn from my mistakes. I choose to stand by the consequences of my past actions and rise up to life's challenges.

Daaaamn... drama mo nanaman Pitz!

Confession

Why am I so stupid to do such a crazy thing without thinking what might be the ending?

Yes, sometimes I find myself so confused. I dunno if that's because of what had recently happened to me or maybe because I'm such a bitch. Either way, I still can't believe I did that.

All of my life I've been such a pain in the ass but never have I imagined to do such an awkward thing. I thought there was something going on, but it was just a false impression.

Suddenly, confusion is sprinting back. Being alone, hugs, some sort of a smack, giving some stuff, being SOOOOO nice, comforting, shoulder to cry on, what the hell was that about? Am I just a malicious person or you're just being a jerk?

You might see that it doesn’t affect me but deep down inside it's stabbing me. Too bad, the person is rare. Don't ask. I just want to confess.