Boring MOM

Another boring day passed. Tomorrow, I need to wake up early again. Yes, it's Sunday I know but it's very usual nowadays having to go to work on the said "family day". It's been like this for years and I should say, I'm numb of it. Do I have a choice? Yes or maybe not. But it really doesn't matter anymore. It's my choice to become a busy BORING person. You know, sometimes I still wish to become something else. Something like a drummer of a famous rock band or something like a respected novelist or something like a.. a zombie! Well, I'm not saying I ain't happy of what I am right now -- nothing could ever be more happier or should I say more COMPLETE than being a parent especially being a MOM. Oh crap! Here I am again, enough of the freaking drama. I'm really not in the mood and besides my eyes are now getting heavy. So good night. Laters!

PS I'm still wishing and hoping that someday, in the near future, I'll be able to meet you Bobby Dupea. LOL

x

Still Awake

Here I am lying on bed,
trying to figure out what's on my empty head
heard the thunder roared so loud,
two chirping birds beating it's sound

I closed my eyes and tried to sleep,
but instead I see myself starting to weep
through this darkness I felt so weak,
much worst that this I couldn't keep

The reason for this I know there's none,
one thing for sure I haven't done
I wanted to shout, I wanted to run,
time runs fast now here comes the sun

I took a pill to ease the pain,
nobody's there to soothe my strain
my head is really breaking as well as my brain,
now I wish for a real hard rain

I am asphyxiated, give me some air
this is serious that I couldn't bear
still breathing except unaware
there's nothing else I could compare

Fragmentary Thoughts

I wasn't completely asleep as I was thinking a lot of things lately.
I even managed to write this crap though I was really tired.
My brain is wandering while my eyes want to shut down.
Things aren't the way they used to be -- not so f*cking easy.
I couldn't help imagining myself full of bruises and in pain, that way I could feel numb and useless.
I've been trying to find out different ways to pass out, just as I wait for my celphone to collapse.
I am thinking of impossible things... zombie, dracula or maybe cinderella?
Things that are hallow that only in fairytales happen.
Now I think I'm dreaming.
Getting up… pausing… thinking and lighting my old friend Marl.

Btw, have a brilliant new year!

No More Drama

So what’s new?  Not much.

Disappointment

Oh, I recently watched the Sex and the City movie. Yeah, I know, it's like for ages but who cares?  Anyway, it’s a lame movie but what makes it interesting? Of course the wardrobes and oh so hot shoes of the four gals. I was effing crazy with the Manolo Blahnik shoes that Carrie Bradshaw had. It was so gorgeous that I ended up looking for it online. And I actually saw it but was sooo disappointed. It costs $945 – I'm like wot? It’s PHP 44,773.9979 to be exact. That’s a lot of milk and not to mention diapers! Gah! Btw, thanks Yaleyna for your pirated DVD hehe.

Yo Gabba Gabba

My munchkin is already 1 year and 3 months and yes, she’s still big but not that BIG. Xioms is now super kulit and loves to walk around. Also, she’s now an addict, addicted to Yo Gabba Gabba, a kid show from Nickelodeon. There was this freak host called DJ Lance who’s very orangeish despite of his skin tone. He has his friendly toy monsters that when he sprinkle some pixie-like dust, the toys will come to life. Strange kids stuff, huh?

It’s Almost Time To Go

It’s already 6:40AM and I’m excited to go home. But before I do, I want to thank the denial king and queen a.k.a. Rolly and Missy. They showed up and gave me some food from the not-so-popular bday party. Haha…  Missy even gave me her leche flan share. Alabyu girl. =)

So there... my week with no drama. Ta-ta!

Laughter in the Rain

It's been almost a month since I last posted. I guess I can say my hands have been quite full these past few weeks and I bet my fans are all waiting for my so-called "drama". Hehe.. A lot of things happened, some eye-opening and some... ummm... insignificant. Haha!

Love me. Feed me. Never leave me. That's from Garfield. Not really a fan but when I saw the trailer in Star Movies, I thought of my munchkin/piglet. 

Xioms' doing great, getting bigger and longer every day. Yeah, I've had my share of semi-sleepless nights (lately she got sick), but all's worth it. It's hard to get up in the middle of the night to feed or change her but I'm getting the hang of it. There are times when I feel so frustrated because her cries are so loud that it scares me, but when I pick her up and cuddle her, she stops. It makes me feel good to know that sometimes, that's all that she needs. I'm soooo in love with her!

Oh, I had an eye-opening experience last week.  I was at home watching (t'was my rest day) and I saw how much a mother could love her kid.  There was this commercial of a child having hydrocephalus and her parents were asking for people's help because they don't have any money for the operation. I thought I've seen my fair share of people in need but then I suddenly caught myself crying, yep, literally CRYING from where I sit. My mom thought I'm getting mad or some sort. I really couldn't help myself, my tears just came out. I realized how lucky I am to have everything that I need. But then I had another realization and I just wanted to slap myself right then and there. Who am I to count my blessings based on others' misfortunes?!? Bad. Very bad. Pathetic ko noh?

So there, I learned my lesson. Knowing that there are other people who has bigger problems than I do won't help at all, it won't make me feel better or would make things easier for me. It'll only show how selfish and pathetic I can get. I have to learn how to APPRECIATE what I have. Period. Plain and simple. 

Haaaay... Life.

Anyway, enough with the drama. It rained last night and I have to say I just LOVE the rain. Weird, but I really do love it when it pours. Somehow, everything about it makes me feel happy and safe. Mysteriously, it even brings back happy memories. Come to think of it, I can't remember even a single rainy day that went bad for me. Even when it catches me off guard and wets me from head to toe, it really isn't that bad. Pluuusss, after weeks of superrr heat, I get to sleep better at morning (yep, morning because I'm already in the GY shift). More cuddling. Hihihi. I get to cuddle my carepig more. Wahooo! I can't wait to see my munchkin. A couple more hours, and yes, I'm typing this blog at work. Bleah!

Haaaay... Happy happy happy. Ooooh! I hear laughter in the rain.

...

Love is not blind, rather love is BLINDING.
We only see what our hearts want to see.
It impairs our heads to think,
and let our mindless hearts take over.
It covers up the harsh reality,
and hides the painful truth.
Love is blinding, deafening,
and most of all,
NUMBING.

Simple Yet Thought Provoking

A good friend sent this text message to me and it got me thinking...

If you want to have what you've never had, then you must do what you've never done. Because if you only do what you've always been doing, you will only have what you've been having.

Pretty simple, right? Yeah... Yeah right!

People have the tendency to want more than what they already have. The concept of contentment isn't that well-grasped. More money. More time. More friends. More love. More everything!

Reminds me of what Professor Dumbledore said to Harry Potter about the Mirror of Erised: The happiest man on earth will stand in front of that mirror and see himself as he is.

Is there such a person? What will you see when you stand in front of that mirror? What is your deepest desire? Me? I'd be a total hypocrite if I say that I'd see myself as I am today. Yes, I am happy but having more of some things wouldn't be so bad.

Well, come to think of it, what is so wrong with wanting more? Actually, absolutely NOTHING. It's not bad to want better things for yourself and for the people you love. It's not bad to dream and work hard for a better life. The right or wrong, the good or bad - it only lies on HOW you get those better things, the better life. And besides, I'm too young to be contented. There's more to life than this! Haha.

So, what does it take? What do we have to do to get something we've never had? To achieve something we've never achieved?

Well, if I knew the answer to that then it wouldn't be something I've NEVER had, right? All I know is that, I have to do SOMETHING, something DIFFERENT.

If you want to have what you've never had, then you must do what you've never done.

Totally makes sense.